It's 1:42am.
Since I lost my job I haven't been sleeping well at all. I try to go to bed at a decent hour and when I do I wake up somewhere between 3am-4am. I toss and turn for ages then I finally relent and turn on the light, put on a pot of coffee, turn on my computer and I'm up. Then somewhere around 2pm or 3pm I am exhausted. I tell myself I will only sleep an hour but end up sleeping 3 or 4. I get up again, eat something, look for work again, watch a little tv and try again around Midnight to get some sleep. Its awful, espcially on the days when I actually do have something to do like pick up my god son from school or if the stars are aligned an actual interview. I don't know how to break this ugly cycle.
When I am awake, I look for work, I read a little and I watch TV on my computer or a movie from Netflix - cable left my life when I left for India....I cancelled it and haven't been able to afford it since. I have been streaming Netflix and Hulu on my computer via syphoned Wi-Fi from one of the businesses downstairs from my apartment...unfortunately that has disappeared in the last week and I now am getting internet access via my BlackBerry (if you plug it in you can use it as a modem). It is making my day so much longer because now I can't stream (its too slow).
I should be doing yoga, or going for a walk, or something, anything to keep my brain from thinking about everything, and anything else. Too much time on your hands is a horrible thing. I'm in my head thinking about where I went wrong (if at all), what things I could've done differently (if any) and what I want to do next. I do want to go to India, but will I have the courage if it actually happened? I've been applying to jobs, networking with people I met there but nothing. I've been trying for work here at home too. I have a phone interview tomorrow with a Bank I used to work for, but as a Recruiter. Maybe the fact I worked for them in the past gives me a slight advantage...here's hoping. I have been doing some volunteer work though. Tomorrow afternoon I am going to the Center for Young Womens Development and helping with Mock Interviews. I heard about it through Spark! which is another organization here in SF that I am involved with.
But India is my dream...I need a change...I need to shake things up. Despite the fact I love it here and I have amazing friends and so much around me to appreciate...I need to change something. Moving here 13 years ago (without EVER having visited) was the bravest thing I'd ever done...I want to believe I could do it again if the opportunity ever arose...but I don't know. I almost 38yrs old (.thats closer to 40 than I care to admit!)! But I am single, no kids, I already live far from family so what would I have to lose? Right?
....Right?
I don't know...I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes and take it one day at a time....in the meantime...I need to get back on a regular sleeping schedule!!
Since I lost my job I haven't been sleeping well at all. I try to go to bed at a decent hour and when I do I wake up somewhere between 3am-4am. I toss and turn for ages then I finally relent and turn on the light, put on a pot of coffee, turn on my computer and I'm up. Then somewhere around 2pm or 3pm I am exhausted. I tell myself I will only sleep an hour but end up sleeping 3 or 4. I get up again, eat something, look for work again, watch a little tv and try again around Midnight to get some sleep. Its awful, espcially on the days when I actually do have something to do like pick up my god son from school or if the stars are aligned an actual interview. I don't know how to break this ugly cycle.
When I am awake, I look for work, I read a little and I watch TV on my computer or a movie from Netflix - cable left my life when I left for India....I cancelled it and haven't been able to afford it since. I have been streaming Netflix and Hulu on my computer via syphoned Wi-Fi from one of the businesses downstairs from my apartment...unfortunately that has disappeared in the last week and I now am getting internet access via my BlackBerry (if you plug it in you can use it as a modem). It is making my day so much longer because now I can't stream (its too slow).
I should be doing yoga, or going for a walk, or something, anything to keep my brain from thinking about everything, and anything else. Too much time on your hands is a horrible thing. I'm in my head thinking about where I went wrong (if at all), what things I could've done differently (if any) and what I want to do next. I do want to go to India, but will I have the courage if it actually happened? I've been applying to jobs, networking with people I met there but nothing. I've been trying for work here at home too. I have a phone interview tomorrow with a Bank I used to work for, but as a Recruiter. Maybe the fact I worked for them in the past gives me a slight advantage...here's hoping. I have been doing some volunteer work though. Tomorrow afternoon I am going to the Center for Young Womens Development and helping with Mock Interviews. I heard about it through Spark! which is another organization here in SF that I am involved with.
But India is my dream...I need a change...I need to shake things up. Despite the fact I love it here and I have amazing friends and so much around me to appreciate...I need to change something. Moving here 13 years ago (without EVER having visited) was the bravest thing I'd ever done...I want to believe I could do it again if the opportunity ever arose...but I don't know. I almost 38yrs old (.thats closer to 40 than I care to admit!)! But I am single, no kids, I already live far from family so what would I have to lose? Right?
....Right?
I don't know...I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes and take it one day at a time....in the meantime...I need to get back on a regular sleeping schedule!!
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